Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
