I'm so fucking centered right now
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
