last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
