my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
