you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
