Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
