Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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