where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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