Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
