1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
