you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
