i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
