how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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