Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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