Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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