Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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