Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
