ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
