I'm really into asian looking animals
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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