You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
