I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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