I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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