how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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