I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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