I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
