He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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