so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
