you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
