At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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