I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
