I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's never too late to be topless.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
