I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
