Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he's gonorrhea incarnate
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
