I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
