I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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