so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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