I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
