ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
