Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
