I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
