i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Two words: blizzard sex
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
