I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
