There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize