my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
