i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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