Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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