Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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