Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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