In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
