ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
