WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
