Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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