hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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