Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
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Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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