wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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