Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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