If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize