You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
