New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You dont lie about slip and slides
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
