I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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