and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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