What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
