Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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