i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
