I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
