Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
