what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
