hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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