She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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