I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
