Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
